Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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