They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
