What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i dont even know how to be here
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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