That's when you crack a 10am beer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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