Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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