so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
bring money and cleavage
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
