Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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