btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
