i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
