I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
