god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
