And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize