Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
