i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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