C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
