My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her vagine was all disorganized.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
