Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
