how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
