sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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