On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
