they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
