i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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