he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
