I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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