I'm gonna have a badass scar
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
