my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize