I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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