i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize