I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
