A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
