Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she pinky promised me she was 18
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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