forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize