so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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