now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
