Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
