it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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