The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
