I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
