saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
