"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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