I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
