she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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