I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
