sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
