i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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