Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
