Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
