So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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