Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
