I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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