Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
