I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
