this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
