Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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