was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
