You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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