It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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