shes about as inviting as chlamydia
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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