margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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