I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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