I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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