The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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