I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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