That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
