Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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