ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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