why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
