i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
