the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
